Later on I continued exploring as a coping mechanism for stress and anxiety. I don't like or get on with society well. I need me time, alone time. There's so much pressure these days. Because I don't smoke, don't drink and don't use drugs I needed a cheap, easily accessible coping mechanism. Being out there alone is my coping mechanism. Be that wandering around in a drain, exploring a beautiful abandoned building, pitching a tent in an abandoned 5th floor room in Gunkanjima for a week. It is how I cope. Alone, quiet, no rules, no judgements. Nothing.
Now I explore because I know it can kill me. Having long ago lost the will to live I know UE can kill me. I know if I'm careless it will. Because I don't have the will to live but don't have the guts to kill myself I know UE can do it for me. One slip, one risk too far. It makes for some crazy explores, that death wish. Crossing the plant covered roof of a building that no one else would trust. Heading up that rust encrusted ladder that everyone would look at twice and dismiss as unsafe. Heading down the long dark drain without checking the weather forecast, and then staying when you hear the water come. UE can kill you. Sometimes I wish it would hurry up and get a move on and get it over with. Come on UE, you just try it. I'll kick you in the balls when you do.
Yeah, shitty day today. Just broke up with my girlfriend.
